Getting Better – Maybe

As it seems is the course for me in journaling, writing, etc., I haven’t done it in a while.

I’m still fighting depression, anxiety, panic and just a lack of enthusiasm all together to do anything.  I go to work (but don’t want to) and come home, day in and day out.  I get home a would prefer to go get in bed and watch mindless tv than spend time with my family, or friends.  It is easy and safe.  But I try and sometimes just don’t have much choice.

Since my hubby is home 24/7, once I get home from work he wants to hang out with me.  However, most days probably 9 out of 10, I get home from work and there are people over at our house, hanging out with my husband, having drinks and just shooting the shit (so to speak).

Because of this, we end up hanging out until dark or later, end up eating a thrown together dinner really late and then getting to bed late and then get the next day to do it all over again.

It is hard to sit in a setting of people already having drinks and not join in, especially since having a drink or two will let my shut my brain down to its constant thinking pattern.  I’m just tired of it.  I would like to get home from work, make dinner, watch a little tv and then go to bed.

I know that this might be temporary and will change once we are in our new home which is being built.  As I think I have discussed in the past, we are currently living in a 32’ camper and have been since December 1, 2020.  I truly hope that when the house is done and we move into it, things will settle into a more normal routine, than the current routine.

I have started Therapy through Talkspace.  I joined a little over a month ago and in the first 30 days, didn’t do much with it.  It has been hard for me to figure out what to write to the therapist.  However, this past week I really tried to embrace the therapy.  My therapist and I had a 30 minute face-time meeting and then I start to really focus myself in doing things my therapist suggested.  I think because of that, I believe I had a really good week last week and a good weekend this past weekend.  I ate better, drank less alcohol and took steps to do somethings for myself.  I have now been asked by my therapist “What were the things that made the weekend good – not the activities, but your mindset.”  I am trying to figure out how to answer that question.

What made the weekend good in my mindset?

I don’t know, I got to sleep in on the weekend, so I think that helped.

Had lunch out both Sat and Sun with the family, it was a nice time – again this is an activity and not my mindset.  I just don’t know what my mindset was.

How do I figure out what my mindset was?  Any thoughts on that?